| My family is no storybook |
[22 Oct 2008|09:30pm] |
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"Have You Ever" Brandy |
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From the earliest I can remember my life was planned out just how I wanted it to be, with the baking mom and hard working dad. Nothing could destroy what I had cause both of my parents were there for me since I was five years old. Then one day...one day everything crashed.
The pretty story I once had built in my head and around me fell into ashes and sprew destroying every little thing my fragile mind created. My mom the beautiful Evangeline with her long dark locks and bright eyes changed before me. My mom who tucked me in and played little piggy till I laughed so hard I peed on myself sometimes till seven left me.
I remember it as if it happened yesterday. It hurts so much sometimes I can't finish telling the story cause I get too choked up and emotional to go on.
There I was sitting in my classroom eating my p&b sandwhich mom made for it with the corners cut off cause I had issues with it back then, and they were shaped into triangles cause at eight that shape fascinated me. My teacher comes over to me and pulls me aside from the other kids at snack time trying to find a way to tell me my mom won't be picking me up from school today...or ever for the rest of my life.
Do you know what the word death sounds like to a child at that age? The boogeyman got nothing on this, even the monsters under the bed were punks after I learned what Death meant. Its the end. Finale, just like those movies we watch wondering if there will ever be more. Or stories that leave you wanting for more. This is my life. This is Corinne Alicia and my life as I know it from then on became a ladder of doubt and self hate.
I hated myself for a while thinking my mother's death was my fault. That if I tied my shoes that day I wouldn't have made my mom so upset in the morning and she would have made it to work on time. I don't think I remembered much through alot of the tears and agony. Daddy wasn't around too much after that, I stayed with grandma most of the time cause dad had to work to make sure I got the best I wanted in life. I love him for that.
When I got into high school I fell in love with fashion. I wanted to be like those stars MTV always interviewed or be in videos that BET would broadcast. Any chance I got I would dance and sing to the videos that would show up. Queen of karoke, damn right bitches I got that on lock down and no one could show me up. I even wanted to dress rich cause I'm thinking look if you can't beat them join them. If I could look like a celebrity and wear the hottest shit around in school I'd be adored. HS does alot with your self esteem and everyone around me knew I was the hottest thing out there since the I pod came out. So you shouldn't be surprised when I jumped at the chance of trying out for modeling. I did a few runways for fun, even sing with my friends and work on my vocals. If anything I wanted to be looked as sexy as Beyonce and hard core as Mary J. Blige.
Why was it when I got home a late spring evening to find my dad's carry on open with his shit all over the floor that I got the nerve to be all nosy and search through things? Just so happened I found his little black book. I thought it was a joke that men that had that crap but to see my dad, the man I believe is my rock and world have that just about screwed me over. I went through about five pages before I couldn't see the words anymore. They were blurred beyond recognization through my tears. What a bitch, how could he do this to me?! I decided to call each and every one of these women to tell them off. To tell them that he's my dad and they need to watch out. And when I got to a one name...I found out there was more to the story than I ever wanted to know.
I thought I was the only child, but that all changed. I have an older sister. I saw a photo of her and she's beautiful. Mac is what she likes to be called and the rest is history. I moved in with her a few months ago and been living with them to what we like to think is a happy disfunctional family. But I couldn't have it any other way. Her mother is the sweetest and I couldn't hate on that. My dad found love and for once I had to respect that. For once I wasn't the only one that mattered.
Anyways, I'm hype to work on an event me and my sister...heh yeah my sister I said it, Mac are gearing up for in our annual thing with the ID Events that I co-owe with her. Its a holiday party, time to spread that cheer.
-Hugs and kisses, I gotta roll out to change into my gear. Talk later XOXO
Corinne
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![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) macvarish |
[22 Oct 2008|09:14pm] |
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Diddy |
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Friends Only
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